New Me New Changes.....2015 and beyond Lookout here I come...AGAIN

Started this blog 4 years ago left it 2 years ago now I am back. I am hoping this will be around to help others start a path of being honest to themselves about who they are truly inside... AMAZING!

I know for me it has taken a very longtime to come to grips on who I truly am. One it took me to wake up on my 45th bday to realize I NEEDED to change. That was 2012-2013 I weighed in at 460lbs.  SHOCKING!!! I was slowly killing myself with my weight. I needed to be here for my children. I needed to be here for my siblings. I needed to be here for my whole family. Most of all I needed to be here for myself.  I decided to change. started walking started drinking a lot of water, and watching my portion's at meal time. I also began to BELIEVE in myself. I began to LOVE myself. I was going to do this for me and myself only. I had to want to change....I did change more than anyone truly knows.

I hope thru the days months and hopefully years I can help encourage you too. Just know you need to be the one who is ready for a change.

BE THE CHANGE

Jenn

HAPPY BIRTHDAY COLORADO and 1st day of Live Well Colorado Get Movin CO

HAPPY 137th BIRTHDAY COLORADO!  You don't look a day over 100!  

What a state we live in, Yes over we the past 137 yrs our state has had its growing pains and some great achievements and some horrible things happen to us, Most recently Columbine Shootings in 1999, Aurora Movie Theater Shooting in 2012 all the Fires our state has endured the past few summers and the lives that were lost or effected by it all.   We, Coloradoans even me a Semi-native, have lived through so much.  Just imagine if all those people from the past  were alive to see all that has gone on....What stories we could hear.   I love this state.  I am a semi-native.   I was born in California but was basically raised in Colorado...this is home.  My family lives here and my children were born and raised...still raising here.   I wouldn't be any other place right now.

Today is also Live Well Colorado's start of Colorado's Get Movin Challenge for the Month of August.   This is a great movement...my daughter and I have signed up and we are Movin in our area, Buena Vista and the county is high with the obesity rate, but I know we can get this area so healthy.   I am so committed to getting healthy and fit, I start that and my weight will start to come off.   I am not wanting to race to get this weight off, I want to do it the most healthy and fit way to do it.   I am hoping I can be an inspiration for others to choose best way to live.  I know I have alot to over come on my journey and it will be a steady go at it.   To the days, weeks and months to come I will be facing alot fears, demons, joys, milestones  and just days...you know what I mean.    I am ready to face this journey and  will do whatever I need to do to over come and CONQUER!!

A friend of mine had a great pic on Facebook today, it is a New motto I am going to have to live by,

COURAGE

------------------

FEAR

 

For those who don't know or to tired to figure it out....Courage over Fear!

 

I have heard so many of my weight loss buddies say that is the key....you have to have the courage to face everything that will come your way  good, bad and the ugly.   Today brought alot to reflect on, I think of all those who came to settle here in this Great State either by choice or by circumstance, they had to gather all the Courage they had to overcome the fears they faced everyday.   SO I am gathering from that strength of those before me and getting ready to face the Fear  that tries to stop me everyday.   I think with all the support we as a family will have from strangers and friends this month and the months to come I know we will be successful. 

 

My biggest fear Right now is to face the fact that I am 394lbs. Ok I faced the Fear of telling someone...now it is out there for everyone in the world to read and see.   I would love to be down, 230lbs....be about the weight I was when I graduated from High School that was 25 yrs ago.  Not hard to do, Just one step and pound at a time.  Honestly I feel better letting that out.  That took the courage to face that fear.  

 

I know the title wasn't really what  this blog ended up being about, you  know most of the blogs are just a "wing it" blogs.   I like these better sometimes.   I will get better with the topics as I go so Please be patient with me.  

 

So to all those in COLORADO right now, the Coloradoans that are in other states, to those Semi Natives  like me, do me a Favor....Sing Happy Birthday to CO and GET MOVIN'!

 

Face your Fears and Keep that Courage going on any journey you are doing right now.

 

" Take that One Step, One path, One Road, One Trail, One Valley, One Mountain to Climb to Get to the PEAK of You!"

Count Down Begins!

So the count down begins...In 1 day I am commited completly start changing, improving, caring, understanding, and LIVING my new life.  Many people know I am hving a hard time with my weight and trying to loose.  I have been reaching out to my friends to help me.  I have been reading people I have been following and are "friends" with on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram for years. I still follow many of them and they are giving me the COURAGE to rally stay and stick with this journey this time.

I have signed up with the LIVE WELL COLORADO for their August Challenge.  I love the state I live in, there is always something to do, but there is still 21% of the states population that are obese.  In my county alone  we have a high obesity rate. In Chaffee County nearly 33 percent of adults are overweight and over 22 percent are obese.  Alot has to deal with proverty level, the lcost of eating healthy, and I honestly think people getting in a rutt like me.   I am a single mom as most of everyone knows and I have a hard time making ends met, let alone eat healthy....well that will change soon.   I am really ready for this...I want to knock off some of those things on my Bucket List and keep adding more.   I am Committing to stay the healthy side and start to loose this weight.  I have to start cheap...as in workouts...walking is about all I can do, but I am ready to do more.

Accoutability is the key.   I know what I need to do.  I know who I need to be accountable to and that would be me, myself and I.  

I am working on things slowly right now...the reason I have hurt my back and I am trying to becareful but on August 1st is the Challenge for Live Well Colorado and I am cutting out soda.  I am making the choice to change.

I am committing to get healthy and fit....doing that I will lose the weight.

WHO IS IN THIS WITH ME??



"One Step, One path, One Road, One Trail, One Valley, One Mountain to Climb to Get to the PEAK of You!"

What's on your Bucket list?....Just starting my list

So everyone around me has been talking about bucket lists and goals...of course everyone's ideas are different. I have started my list...Finally my kids tell me

Jenn's Ultimate List(Not in the order listed)
1.Live a long healthy life
2. Find my own soulmate (when it happens)
3.Climb a 14er by 45yo
4.Climb Mt. Princeton before 50yo
5. Help my family get healthy
6. Ride a bike again
7. Get to a health weight...not just thinner it healthy
8. Influence/Inspire/Assit others to get healthy
9. Met an inspiring person/persons
10. Be able to provide the kids an amazing life
11. Go Whitewater Rafting
12. Get into a Kayak
13. Get stronger...in mind,in body,in faith
14. Fly in Airplane Again
15. Go back to England
16. Take a cooking class with an amazing Chef.
17. Win The Lottery....I know got to play to win...HAHAHA
18. Go to An Amazing concert....oh so many
19. Keep up on my blog....haha
20. Find out something Amazing about myself all on my own....I know cheesy but it's true.
21. Learn to sing
22. Learn my clarinet again
23. Learn to Dance many dances and have the best time in my life.
24. Paddle board in the pacific ocean
25. Paddle board in the Alantic ocean
26. Run A Marathon....
27. Ride a 100 miles on a bike
28. Get a new bike
29. Wear a sexy pair of high heels
30. Find a sexy dress for those heels
31. Start to feel pretty,girly and sexy
32. Throw an amazing dinner party for friends and family
33. Go to Comic Con in San Diego at least once
34. Visit the places my ancestors lived all over the US....and overseas
35. Have an amazing Girl's Trip with all the girls in my family....wonder where we should go
36. Ultimate Family Vacations
37. Learn to do some Amazing Photography..don't have an artistic bone in my body
38. Learn to make sushi...Yummmmmmmmm
39. Enjoy a quiet time once a year just for me no children allowed
40. Walk the best 5K, 10K  ever
41. Start running when I can
42. Run the best 5K,10K ever
43. Enjoy My Life at that moment
44. Go to Australia
45. Get over my fear of heights...Jump off something very high....some where very beautiful
46.  Keep Expanding My Bucket List!

So this is the start of my list somethings may be confusing to you,but they are in my heart. I have wasted so much time in my life not doing anything. I am so ready to live in the moment and not in the past.

Slowly but surely I will cross off on my list and enjoy the life.  I will have the best time of my life

Who is with me?

Facing Fears..Stepping out of Comfort Zone

I know this is been the first post in many many months. After talking to a couple of amazing women about conquering fears and just getting myself out there....I have really made a commitment to get out there. Not only putting myself out there in this blog but also to get out there and start something for myself and others in this community.

 Fear of...
1. Letting myself be "seen"
2. Opening up to others and really letting them in
3. Thinking others really don't like me
4. Allowing myself to be vulnerable when I need to be
5. Showing that I am weak
6. Not being really accepted by friends and family
7. Allowing myself to be loved by someone who does love me truly
8. Not being the parent I need to be to my children
9. Not being the child/sibling to my family that I should be
10. NOT ALLOWING MYSELF TO BE ME



These are the top fears I have some people think I am silly about some of these....But I am very serious. This is the first step in getting out of my comfort zone and facing the fears. I will try to go back to writing everyday or a couple of times a week....I will allow myself to be out there and accept any comments Good and Bad because they only are there to help me.

LOVE YOU ALL!!





"One Step, One path, One Road, One Trail, One Valley, One Mountain to Climb to Get to the PEAK of You!"

Bully is still a Bully No matter what the Age

It has come to my attention of a Bully in the community here....Amazing but this isn't any normal Bully. This isn't a child Bully that is after other children, this is an ADULT Bully. This type of Bully is not targeting any one person. This Bully is "attacking" other Adults and in an organization that helps inspire people with their craft and involves the commuinty people of all ages and skills.

I know who this person is and has said a few things I wish I could have said somethings to this person when they told my on child in no un certain terms they are as tone deaf as a bullfrog. Well this time this person is bullying people and thinks they are more superior then others. Granted this person is very talented don't get me wrong but when siding with someone younger and condoning the actions of the younger person over Adults who have been doing something as many years as teh younger person has been alive.

Ok I am over this rant I am sorry I will talk more about Bullying at a later date.

Asking for Help is not a sign of Weakness....It's a sign of Help!

I am the type of person who HATES to ask for help. I am the one who will help so much....I can't say NO....well I need to say NO and start to do things for myself...Now I am needing help. I am in a spot where it's not only me who is being effected it is my children also.

We were told back 3 weeks ago that they were going to shut the park I live in because of the spetic and leach field issues. I have being trying to clean up and pack the house and work and deal with the kid's schedules BESIDES looking for a new place to live. Well this past weekend was the straw that broke the camel's back you can say. My friend and I, with our kids were going to move in together. We found an amazing house that was going to be enough room for everyone we were just waiting on getting the money for hte rent and deposit togehter...$2100 which we were told by the landlords they just wanted the $1050 and would work with us on the deposit. Well we finally had the money less then a week later and got it mailed off to them... One point I didnt' make is that this house was up for sale also. We understood that too. That is why we only had a 6 month lease to sign. They landlords lived out of state and were getting the papers drawn up That was on a Friday....On Monday...we recieved the phone call the House had SOLD......SOLD....SOLD...the floor just fell out from under me. This was #5 in 3 weeks where we were expecting to sign paperwork that was taken away. If it was just me I wouldn't worry so much but it is also include my kids. WHY would they knowingly show and say they would rent the house if under contract. I am so upset....we never really recieved a complete explanation.

SO here we are on teh weekend I was to move and I have no place to go. My house isn't fully packed up....right now I really could careless of something in the house...I just want out. I know I can't leave it a mess but when you don't have the notice of actually when you are to move it hurts....Nothing legal at least. I have $60 til payday on teh 6th. I don't have a way to help myself. I am trying not to be down on myself. I am trying ot figure out what to do. I HATE March...a year ago I lost my job of 9 yrs with out being told much. I am trying my hardest right now to be strong for my kids but not working.

I have to swallow my pride and ask for help. I need to go for my kids. I am the reason this has gotten so bad for us. I didn't plan correctly. I need to figure out what I need now. I have asked my church for help. What ever they can do for me. I am willing payback anything I do recieve. I have being tryig to stay strong in my faith. I know God will help to provide right now. The feeling of disappointment in myself, I have let my family down. I have ruined things for them. I feel a failure. I know I am not a failure but I feel it.

Everywhere I turn I find that there are people who do truly care and love my family. They are praying and trying to find places that I can just be in for now. I found out my church sent out a prayer email for me and help if anyone knows of anything. Trying to keep my faith and my strength right now is hard. I am doing ok. I just need have that blind faith and know things will come about. Being told we should just move from Buena Vista, my friends, the kid's friends, my job, the schools...isn't really an option either. I have no money to do it, no money to even really move but I am working on things and a budget. I know I need to be more careful on things. Wanting to make sure your family is protected and we dont' loose each otehr. Wanting to have the kids feel safe is #1 on my list right now. Having them feel safe and not scared to go home because of others around us, I don't want anymore. I am want so muchfor everything to be ok for my kids....They are the reason I breathe they are the reason I get up in the morning. They are the reason for my being.

I loose my kids I will loose myself. I need the help. I need not only the help for my family but i need the help for myself. I need to know why I am this way.

This blog is a way for me to help myself work through things, not only just to express my feelings but to make myself aware of what I am doing and how I am handling things....today NOT GOOD, but I know whaty I need to do.

I am asking for Help from all my frineds out there for Prayers. Prayers I will find a house soon, Prayers I will not loose the kids over everything. Prayers I will keep going on every day!

One Year Ago.......One Year Later

I was sitting in a hotel room with my 2 children getting ready to do something that could change my life forever. I was in Denver for the Biggest Loser Open Casting Call for Season 12. I was thrilled I had received a VIP Pass for the casting call....but the more I thought about it I should have gone through with my original plan....gone early and waited with everyone else.

I have the support of many people I never have met in person but who were going through the same thing I was....struggling with Obesity and weight loss. I was ready to do anything....I AM MEAN ANYTHING but what seemed I needed to do I hadn't done it yet. I loved the casting call had met some amazing people while there. Still talk to a couple of them. We support each other still to this day. I was on such a ahigh from that weekend....granted I didnt get the call back but that is ok....I knew that wasn't going to happen. I got home and the kids went to school....I went to work....I wasn't on the schedule for the whole month. Found out I had been fired not because I didn't have my shifts covered but because I was needing to do soemthing else. Well many people know the struggle I had for the next 5 months. I was out of work and all I had to pay bills for June and July was my son's income from his 30hr a week job. He gave up so much for a 15 yr. I have wanted to make that up to him. I wanted to make sure he has a mother he could be proud of. I didn't try for Season 13 wasn't into it. I still needed to do somethings I wasn't sure about.Then end of July 2011 came I had to make choice....I had a job interview did I really want to stay or move and make a new life someplace elses. When the week of a job interview happened....I knew what I also had to do is FACE THE DEMONS of my life. I started to journal. I know the blogging would be helpful but not all things I wanted out there still. i might share more as time goes. Alot is painful.

My demons I had to face is that I was called fat, ugly, stupid, annoying, worthless and that I was never wanted why was I still around. I know those things were said to me almost everyday for 14 yrs. Even now 24yrs later I still here it but this time the words aren't in my face being screamed at me they are in my head and my heart everytime I look into the mirror. I try to keep a positive attitude I need too....I have my children I don't want to go through what I went through in High School. My beautiful daughter, Emmie, is going through those ugly words since 2nd Grade so for the last 5yrs she has had to face it. We all know how Jr High can be to a young perons self esteem. I have tried to tell her how wonderful she is and beautiful she is. Her heart and how she is towards others is what makes her so special. I love her for who she is and who she is becoming.

Today, 4 March 2012, my daughter Emmie-Na (nickname) asked me
"MOM why don't you believe in yourself! Why don't you believe in the same things you tell me. I learn to give my heart to others like you....but you don't think you are worth anything like I feel....LOVE YOURSELF!!"

She knew what my story I was telling at the casting call that day and she told me to make them love me too....I didn't do that. My children mean the world to me. I am their only parent. I need to be here but in order for me to be here longer and make a change in their lives I need to be here for me and change my life.

One Year Ago.....I woke up to the potential I could be....On Year Later I am still dealing with those things that keep me at the weight I am. I have a great way to still myself everything is ok. NO THIS IS NOT OK!! I am 42yrs old. I am around 400lbs!! My Tyler, graduates High School in 2015 and My Emmie, graduates in 2018. I need to change. I need to face th UGly Demons and Change. I need to stop those excuses....I have to stop those excuses.

SO in Celebration of trying to change my life One Year Ago.....I am buckling down and doing that.....NO MORE EXCUSES!! NO MORE PITY PARTY!! NO MORE HIDING BEHIND WHAT HAPPENED 15, 22, and 38 yrs ago....I am in control of My New Life.

ONE YEAR AGO....I talked a good Talk
ONE YEAR LATER....I am WALKING THAT TALK and going through with everything I Plan forward. I got off track but I have a goal in mind I WILL see....Live My Life to The Fullest!!!


FIRST DEMON TO FACE.....I AM BEAUTIFUL! I am not Ugly.

I AM BACK!!!!!

WOOOHOOOO! I FINALLY have a new laptop and now can keep up with my blogging now. It has been since the middle of OCT without the computer. That has been so painful....for almost 4 months nothing.

I am so excited on alot of levels and so much to share. Now is the time to PARTY I can get the things I want done done.....I am ready to do things for ME and include the kids which is a good thing....HEHEHEHE

I am cutting tonights blog short so then tomorrow I can start going again and write alot then.

Please be Safe this Weekend....Be Safe everynight!
Always tell that special person even if you have had a fight....ALWAYS say I LOVE YOU!!

I LOVE YOU ALL!! Love your self too!!!

18 Days Til..........

I am BEYOND ANCIENT!  At least that is what my son keeps telling me.  Oh days I feel like I am ancient and then there are days I don't feel the age I am, I feel like I am one of my kids.  I don't want to be this way. 

I have always said I will start it this next week this next day.....NO I START NOW!!!  I saw my DR  not at an appointment, just saw him.  He reminded me that in 3-4 yrs if I don't do something about this weight I will be in a wheelchair or walker....or worse and we AREN'T going there.   So time to do it!! Time to get the pitty party ended and get my head clear and get it done!!! Stop and Think where I could and will be in my life and the lives of my children.  I have so much to live for.  I am not being down on myself, yes in a way I am, NO I am making so any EXCUSES....NO MORE EXCUSES.  There is so much I want to do and the goals I have in my life to do for ME!!  I have found more support locally then I thought I would have had, I have found I can't keep anything a secret anymore for anyone.  One of my goals in life and since where I live is to be on the Arkansas River.  Rafting or kayaking, which neither one of those I can do because of my weight.  I keep getting guides tell me not to worry and that it will be safe for me.  I  don't trust myself in the water.  I am not a strong swimmer but I still want to enjoy what is around me.

My Goals before I am 21 for the 22nd time....HAHAHAHAHA

1. Stand Up for myself
2. Change my way of thinking
3.  As a good friend and Inspiration says GET UP AND GIVE BACK  I have a plan.
4. Eat healthier, live healthier, Be Healthier
5.Over all loose about 250lbs.....no not at once I  know that....1 lb at a time
6. Get in the water....swim more and then in the summer get to moving in the river
7. GO RAFTING
8. GO KAYAKING
9. CLIMB A 14er....with my family and friends
10. Teach my children about good health and good life
11.  LIVE MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST!!

Ok so that is just one little bit of my life and putting these out there is a good constant reminder I need to live my life for me first and foremost.  I am ready to take on any challenge thrown my way.....with in reason.

To my Inspiration Friends.....Thank You for being there for me all these months being a part of my life.  I wouldn't be as far as I am in my life without knowing anyone of you.  I LOVE EACH ONE OF YOU
You all know how you are.   I will never give up on you.....you never give up on me!!

"One Step, One path, One Road, One Trail, One Valley, One Mountain to Climb to Get to the PEAK of You!"

9/11 A Day To Remember in Our Hearts

This is the day to remember in Modern America.  Everywhere day from the grocery stores to the coffee shop to the parks I keep hearing "Where were you 10 years ago today?"  That brings up memories from 10 years and 6 months prior for me.  I will always remember 09/11/2001

As I said that question brings me to 10 yrs and 6months prior.  I was on a plane coming back from a vacation with a good friend of mine.  We had gone to London, England.  It was the first vacation I had since having my children.  We were flying back into the states into Newark Airport.  I happen to glance over through the window on our decent and I gasped a bit.  Mark looked at me funny....I told him I could see the Twin Towers and the Statue in the farther distance.  They were tiny but amazing site for this girl who had never been farther then Minnesota in the USA.  I continued to watch until I couldn't see it anymore.    Deep down I knew I wouldn't have the chance to see it again.  At that time knowing I probably would never get to NYC again not knowing what would happen only 6 months later.   Amazing what memories do come flooding back.

Fast forward 6 months...I was woken up but my stepdad telling me planes hit building you gotta come see.  I get up and see on the TV the First Tower engulfed in smoke.  My daughter was 19months old and hanging on to Grandpa big time.  My son 4yrs old sat next to me and grabbed my arm..."you no flying anymore mommy"  I had just gotten home 2 days prior from Texas.  Tyler said "You no flying without me mommy" so when i flew to Texas for a Soldiers' Angels Convention Tyler flew with me and didn't go to a family reunion....he remembered that and to this day remembers it.

i remember sitting in front of hte TV all day with my stepdad and my kids.  Crying and not knowing if a couple of my friends were OK.  I heard from one of my old St Francis Cabrini friends that he lost his girlfriend.  He had just gotten out of his car to hear and see the plane hit the tower she worked in.  He said he dropped the picnic basket of breakfast goodies for her and the engagement ring inside, and stood motionless for a very long time he thought but was only a minutes....He lost the love of his life.  I can't believe this was happening to our  country....The last serious attack on America was Pearl Harbor.  That was the Day Of Infamy for my Grandparents era....The Attack on the Twin Tower, the Pentagon and the Crash in the Pennsylvania Field was this Generation's Pearl Harbor....I couldn't believe what I was watching.  When it came to fixing dinner Mom was on the computer i was fixing dinner that is all I remember was crying because my brothers would be going to War.  America was going to war over this.  Oh my little brothers were going to defend out country because of the idiots who did this to US on OUR SOIL!!  NO MORE!!!

Emily asked me this morning "What do you remember mom?  Where were we??"  As I said she was only19months old.  But today also got me thinking about alot of "where were you moments in our history"  For my parents/grandparent's it was "Where were you when WWII started in Europe?" "where were you when Pearl Harbor was attacked?" "Where were you when John Kennedy was shot?" " Where were you when Bobby was killed?" " What were you doing when the Vietnam Conflict started...Did you get drafted?"   I will remember  "Where were you when the US beat the Russians in hockey?"  "Where were you when Regan got Shot"  or Where were you when john Lennon was killed?" "Where was I when the Shuttle program started and when the first shuttle landed" " Where were you when the Shuttle BlewUp?" "Where were you at During hte Oklahoma Bombing?" Or When Princess Diana was in the accident?"  The one that will forever be in every one's heart and mind is "Where were you when the Towers were hit?" or as Alan Jackson said in his wonderful song...."Where were you when the World stop turning?"

Today is a day of memories and emotions.  My children are older and understand more and more what had happened 10 years ago.  Since then I have seen my two brothers serve in Iraq in 05-06 but my youngest brother has been deployed since 2002...I support and love my brothers and all who are in the Armed Services.  Most of all I support those who risk their lives everyday for us and we don't thank them enough either... Firefighters, Police Officers, and all who put on a uniform to Serve and Protect!!

Deep Dark secret time......Not many people know or knew for a couple of years I was a volunteer firefighter. One of a few female firefighters.  I would have loved to follow through with it more when I moved to Denver but I couldnt' get a department to sponsor me for the test and that I could work with for one I was a woman and two I was plus size.  Hey that didn't stop me from proving to men who were in for 10+ years I deserved to do the same things they did.  I loved it.  I haven't been apart of a Department since 1993 but when I was watching all the Firefighters and EMS with the towers My heart was breaking I wanted to be there so bad.  Once you have that firefighting in you you never lose it.  My heart is always with the firefighters. 

I will always have 9/11 etched in my heart.  I will NEVER forget those who innocently lost their lives to this horrific event.  This isn't of any importance blog just a memory keeper for me.  I am Forever Grateful for those who serve everyday.  My our hearts keep memories safe and we never forget. 

The following Pictures are of  My Favorite Car that comes to our Car Show every year.  I sit there and try to find all the stars.  This is for the Fallen Firefighters on New York.  Amazing Paint job.  There is one star added for a fallen Denver Firefighter that was just days from retirement when he lost his life doing what he loved and saving others.   So I ask each of you not only to say THANK YOU to a Military Person but to every Uniformed Person in our lives.

Sunday...day of Rest so Why are there so many Busy Bodies!!

I am always rushing around.  I can't seem to get myself to slow down.  Yes I am at my fave Coffee place but I am reading emails responding to things. Looking up information for my son and school....YIKES that is a hard thing to swallow.  Tyler is a Freshman in High school now and already knows what he wants to do after HS....Yeah at about $35000 a year!!  Ok going back to rushing around.

I am doing this blog post about 15minutes before I need to be at church.  I started a new church last sunday.  I was rasied Roman Catholic, but after my son had a run in with the Faith Formation Teacher in the 6th grade we haven't been back.  That wasn't the only reason.  Every Sunday when i would go to mass as my family walked in the Hospitality Ministers would look at me as if I had 2 heads no joke and usually it was the same people.  They are older and new to the parish but they didn't like the idea I had kids out of wedlock...OH NO I AM DAMNED!!.... so I committed a sin having my children..   I am sorry my kids were baptized and raised up until 6th and 3rd grade in the church.  I was being talked aobut behind my back. I was horrible to have kids without a father.  Honestly I am happier that the kids don't have their father!! for another day.

So I have been searching and struggling to find out who I am and where I really belong in teh Faith World.  Last Sunday a friend of mine "JENN-NAPPED" me to take me to church on the idea we were going to coffee and then she would bring me back....NOT COOL.   I was in a hat tanktop and felt blahhhh....The church didn't care they were happy to see me there.  WOOOHOOOO.   I didn't know I knew so many people from my town went to that church.  That church I am refering too was the ONLY church that helped me in teh time of great need this summer.  Kept me going, but they didnt expect me to start to go there.  I have decided to go there because I felt a peace and calm come over me last Sunday.   I have a realtionship with GOD, that he totally understands me, understands who and where I am coming from.....BUT the relationship you have THROUGH HIM with others is what really truly keeps you going in life. 

I am excited to have a relationship with GOD again.....I promise not to shovel things for you to read I am not that type of a person!!

"One Step, One path, One Road, One Trail, One Valley, One Mountain to Climb to Get to the PEAK of You!"

Today We are doing WHAT?????

The toughest thing I have had to today so far is WAKE UP!!  I have a bad headache, my eyes hurt, I want to crawl under a cool blanket  and sleep a bit longer.....YEAH RIGHT NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!  My body overruled my headache....stupid body...it wants to rest but no it won't rest....SUNDAY is the day of REST!!  As one of my BFF's told me NO REST FOR THE WICKED!!....hahahahaha

MY HEAD hurts so bad, I know why....CAFFIENE Headache....I have cut it WAY DOWN not out but down.  This is hard coming from someone who at one point was drinking a case of Pepsi every 2 days at my lowest everyday.  Not good or healthy.   I am lucky if I drink a 12oz can every 3 days.  I am really trying to be good.  I know going "frozen gobble" (my kids version if Cold Turkey that said it funnier) is not good do gradule, but when you don't have the money for a few months and "frozen gobble" is only way yeah!!  No I am slowly being a Good girl!! Watching the sweets too....I have had a little minature candybar for the first time in 4 months and that was enough for me....My "sugar" is in fruit now!!!

Today We are doing WHAT????  I am still thinking....Lately I have had a few friends who are struggling not only with weight but with family, faith and their hope to change.  Yes today is SUnday but I am not preaching by any means.   I am not quailfied to do that...no t one bit.  I am just passing on what others have told me and what I am moved to share. Changing something in your life no matter if it is for the best YOU, is hard and VERY scary.

I grew up being raised "Roman Catholic" but something always didn't feel right in my faith.  I remember always questioning the faith I was raised in.  I was even thinking of a vocation my jr/sr yr in school....Woke up very quickly on that.  I have my belief system thanks to my upbringing but it isn't the same belief system as all Catholics....I am a rebel!!!

Beauty Outside and Within...It's everywhere

BEAUTY!!  How do each of us look at beauty?  We see the beauty within something so different then others.  Last Summer when I visited my mom in one of the places I used to live growing up.  Some people will see it as a hot desert and nothing is beautiful there. We went to the Colorado National Monument....ONE OF MY FAV PLACES in the world....London runs  a real close second.  I grew up looking at this wonderful place.  Visited it almost every 2 months with either school or girl Scouts.  It's Beautiful!  You look at it and it is not colorful, it's not really fun or exciting but it is BEAUTIFUL!!

So you see this on the Western slope of Colorado....but what you don't see is what is beyond it to the southwest....Lush green forest, More of what people Call beautiful.  My favorite place to need to connect with once again.

Look to your within and the outside will SHINE!!  

You are just as beautiful inside and attitudes will only enhance what is outside....Just like the Beauty surrounding us!!

"One Step, One path, One Road, One Trail, One Valley, One Mountain to Climb to Get to the PEAK of You!"

WOW! New Pics off Me....Am I really this different??

I have been so busy the last few weeks with work!!  WORK!! WORK!! LOVE that word!!  I LOVE LOVE LOVE my job, I do get frustrated with myself at times!!! That is just life!!

I know I won't have THE BIGGEST LOSER or even CHRIS POWELL & EMWLE to help me with my life.  I know I need to start on my own.  I have  been doing it on my own I can tell you that.  I have really been watching my foods, More water then Pepsi or My fave Triple Mocha's.   I am not even craving the sweets like I have wanted so  much just a few months ago.

Not having a job for almost 4 months makes you rethink EVERYTHING!!  I walked more...I ate less because I didn't have that luxury to eat what i wanted.  I had to save the money just to feed my son properly. I learned a new way to do things most importantly  to LIVE

I was just looking through  some "old" pics of me....Taken in March of this year!!  and just snapped a pic of me same distance via my laptop....Ok does things look different...other then hair!!

 March 2011 (Casting Call)

August 2011 (TODAY as I am writing this)

Honestly I really can't see it but just had my son walk by (I'm sitting at Bongo Billy's Cafe where he works) MOM LOOK AT YOU!!  YOU ARE THINNER!  I seriously think that is just him saying things.....What do you think?

 

Ok so like I said I can't have the Biggest Loser or EMWLE in my life right now.   I am trying my hardest to change my life.  I change my life I will change my families life.  I look at the pic my mom sent me of my sweet sweet little girl Emmie, She isn't my baby anymore but she is my Mini Me as everyone has heard me talk about her.   She is the love of my life and I have missed her sooooo much this summer.  She has been with my mom and I honestly think that is the best thing for her because i needed to get a new prospective of life this summer.  This summer has given me the chance to really get to know my son!!  I am amazed at my fav young man.  He is such an old soul!!  He is so smart for his own good at times I think....or is that MY own good.....LMAO

I am getting ready to run out of here for lunch I can't wait to have a yummy taco salad....no dressing just homemade salsa.....Will take pics!!! 

I have so much more to write so I will be back today!!  and with fun Pics from GOLD RUSH

"One Step, One path, One Road, One Trail, One Valley, One Mountain to Climb to Get to the PEAK of You!"

Friday Night Under the stars!!

I am sitting on the porch of my favorite coffee cafe thinking about this past week.  I never realized how amazing it was until today!!

When Monday hit my heart was racing and I was scared....New Job!! This was a new adventure.  I have never worked for a company that their employees mean alot to them.  LOVE IT!  I have been in a job for the last 9 yrs that took advantage of me...Yes I allowed it happen.  I worked my ass off and alot took backseat including my kids, my health and my integrity.  This job now...is where I feel at home SOOOOOO much!!

Seating here I think of my friends and how much I love and care about them.  My friends here at home and all my blog and twitter friends....AMAZING feeling.  You never know what kind of support you will get until you met and support those who are going through the same thing as you.....then that brings me to thinking of my friend, twittasista! Christa.....Yes who I talked about in the yesterday.

Reading more about her when I first met her....AMAZING!!  I thought my life was interesting being the only daughter of parents who only dated for 2 months before getting married....then  12 months from when they met...TADA  JENN ARRIVED....ok enough of me.   It's Christa's time

If I would have met her at my school she honestly would have been one of my friends.  She is catches your attention from minute one. She is the only person I know who can break a bone going to a seat to watch a movie....and apparently sat through the movie with her in pain!!  Well she has the BIGGEST DREAM just like most of us BL Twitter buds.  She wants to be on Biggest Loser Season 13.... you know LUCKY 13!!  I want her to make it.  To get her to that dream she is going to the casting call in Salt Lake City, UT  she lives in Oregon! She is flying and staying for 4 days in hotel.  I want her so much to go there!!  I know this is important for her.  I was planning on going to the same casting call but with my new job I can't get the time off.  SOOOO it's my mission to spread the word to help her.  She needs to do a fundraiser to get her to UT and be comfortable.  Read her blog, find her on facebook....Read HER STORY!!  She NEEDS to be on Biggest Loser!! Her Life, Her eyesight, Her family, Her kids and husband NEED her to be on BL13.
Let's all get her there!!  Please   HELP  go to this link

www.onehotdiehl.blogspot.com

Ok computer is dying and need to finish....Take the moment to follow your dreams, but sometimes your dreams will be put aside in order for someone else's to happen.  I am giving up on my dream of BL13 right now.  I am not in a position to do it all.    I am in the spot to cheerlead my other BLFam and Friends on and be in their CORNER ALL THE TIME!!  Through them I will learn and be a better person!  Through them I am a better person!!  Through them I inspire others  so please Inspire Yourself!!

Love yourself and Love your fellow neighbors....Love a stranger whose heart is so full of love, inspiration, artistic talent and amazing life....Just LOVE!!

"One Step, One path, One Road, One Trail, One Valley, One Mountain to Climb to Get to the PEAK of You!"

AWWWWW I am RUNNING DOWN HILL OUT OF CONTROL!!!!....at least I feel that way

SO I KNOW it has been a longtime since I did a blog entry....BOY HAVE THINGS HAPPENED!!!  Hold onto your ropes we are on for a bumpy climb or decent...depends.

So at last blog...Everyone seemed to be prepared for our climb, a few would say  "I have to wait for a dr's ok", some would say "This is too hard for me", some would say "LETS DO THIS!!" and the last few " DO I have to do this journey?"  No! No one is forcing anyone else to do anything.  You have a mind of your own and that is all that matters.  You are the only one who can make you do things.  If you are at the lowest of lows...Then reach out to others Talk to them, talk to those who actually know what you are going through.   If you feel lost then please seek help.  Talk to a pastor someone who can honestly help you.    ENOUGH GETTING OFF THE BOULDER NOW!! Sorry the soap box was too hard to carry on this journey. use what you got.

Ok so on to what has happened in the last 2 WEEKS!!  Most important thing of all   I am gainfully employed!! WOOHOO Doing the HAPPY DANCE and Jase's Air Squats...work up that sweat!!  Still trying to work on getting back unemployment pay which I was told probably would be soon getting.   That is great news considering.   Ok Ok OK OK!!!  I hear you in the back you want to know what the job is.   I work for an awesome company in  Customer Service.  This has been the best job so far and i have only been working for 4 days.  If you want to see where here is the link... www.rockymountaintrail.com  NOW GO AND BUY!!!  Think this is so amazing considering my blog and what I my goal is to do in 2 years.  Bosses are AWESOME!!!  Everyone is so friendly and great to work so helpful to show me things when I do ask.    LIKE I SAID GO BUY!!  IF you love the out doors and need new gear  only place to go!!!

NOW for something that actually floored me.  MY FATHER is happy for me!  He is pleased that I am working on my weight and working out and of course  WORKING!!  He even said I can stay even stay at the house for my brother's wedding. HE OFFERED!!!  Still upset with him but hey I will take anything even if it is small.  On a sad note though he was told to lose the more weight, he is a Type II Diabetic and is now on insulin.  I NEVER want to be that way.   I am doing something NOW!!  I want to inspire my family to do more.  So mom just called me and my step dad who is also Type II diabetic is also on insulin....he would be better off if he would just loose the weight too but he is a stubborn smoker foodie....Bad combo.  But his is doing great too.  My goal is to figure out things for my to do in the office and see how it goes and then share them with my favorite me in my life. 

My loving & adorable MiniMe, Emily, hit me with a bombshell about a week ago....NO I didn't say I've been hit by a bombshell seriously. No you don't have to Run for a Bomb Shelter!! geez people did you clean you wax out of the ears!!  So Miss Emily wants to stay at my mom's for the school year because of her bullies!!  NO GO!  Sorry putting my foot down.  I am saying NO!!  My mom says they are just as bad there then any where else.  SO I am going to be talking to the school counselor when I can.  I can't be away from my MiniMe....oh yeah she has lost about 15lb!! and back in Girls Sizes 14/16 YEAH!!!  so we are going to work on things together!!!. 

What now??  NO you need to take the shovel with you if you are going to use the Tree Facilities!!  Have the courtesy please!!!  Have the germ stuff for after PLEASE!!   No we aren't to lunch yet we have just started remember this is a night hike and have a couple hours....OK Back to the regular Broadcasting....OOPS!! mean writing time....( I know I have TOTALLY LOST IT)   So!!

Tyler is working like crazy!  I am loving it.  I know where he is from  745AM to 5PM Mon-Friday hehehehehe   He is a crazy freshman Yeppers!!  School starts August 25th CAN'T WAIT....yes even my kids are excited.  Tyler's best friend Casey will be attending public school again so he is thrilled.  They will be so in trouble with each other....can't wait for that either.  At least Casey's  stepmom and I are good friends. 

Let's see what else has been going on!!  Sorry still don't know my weight....Everytime I go to get weighed at the Dr's office I am told different things....NO I can't do it on my own....Oh wait for the Nurse....sorry it won't be big enough for you.  WELL...I told front office I don't need to wait for the nurse...I can't just go and do it on my own.  IF and ONLY IF I want the Dr's to record my weight then I need to wait....Not going to Happen with me when My time is short!!   So I will get it soon.  


Honestly just between you and me.....I feel so much better.  I feel like a human being and an active member of society again.  I feel better about who I am and what I am....I AM ME and I AM Working on ME!! then everyone else.....heheheheh  who wants to be the Guinea pigs?! 



On this very last note.....I have a GREAT TERRIFIC Friend, Artist,Mom, Fellow Blogger and My Inspiration who is SO Amazing and needs the help to have a dream happen.  Christa is AMAZING and ONEHOTDIEHL!!  Please follow her and her blog and there is a Fundraiser Link on there for her.  She is trying to get to Salt Lake City, UT for the Biggest Loser Casting Call for Season 13!!  She is from Oregon!  Help her out.  She needs this sooo much more then anyone else I know.  Even me....PLEASE pass it on to all your friends and if you are a blogger add it!!  PLEASE  WE LOVE HER SO MUCH!!! http://onehotdiehl.blogspot.com/ 


The natives are getting restless they want to continue one....ON WARD UP!!!!  Love you all and Please please help my Friend Christa....love her lots!!

"One Step, One path, One Road, One Trail, One Valley, One Mountain to Climb to Get to the PEAK of You!"

DAY ?????? Are you prepared? Do you have the Checklist and "backpack" packed for this journey

It's a Wonderful Day in the Neighborhood.  A wonderful day to be a neighbor.....HAHAHA  It is bright and sunny with just a little chill in the air...It rained last night....Yeah my rain dance is helping....LOL 

Glad everyone could be here today!!!  Everyone ready and relaxed and ready to start our "journey"

I woke up this morning with an extra something in my step...I have no idea what it was...Even the cat sitting on my chest nose to nose with me this morning didn't irritate me.  I am in one of the best moods. 
What did I do?  Lost I guess I forgot to grab my compass and map when I started out on this journey.  Hopefully along the way I will have the guidance and help of others who are on the same way as I am. 
I am so excited to be living this life of mine.  I started the journey UP the mountain sometime ago but then I would only get a few feet up and tell myself I can't do this... this trek is too hard for me...and turn around.  Day after day I would sit at the base at the trail head of my life and sit looking at the climb and journey ahead of me and keep saying to myself "It's too hard I am not doing this"  I would yell back at myself  "It isn't hard and YOU WILL BE DOING THIS"

Do you honestly think I listened to myself??  Well not for a longtime. Last 12 yrs I kept telling myself I will do this and I will do that.  Listening to what the Dr and NP told me...I guess I was just wanting to sit at the Trailhead of My Life unprepared and unwilling to do anything. I can't hide behind words from what people tell me.   I can't let what they are telling me to help me influence MY bad choices in MY life.  Listening to others will help you IF what they are telling you is encouraging and supportive. If they think that cutting you down, telling you that If you would only do this or that, or just flat out tell you YOU ARE TOO FAT!! (in this case) and they think this will encourage you to do something....HOW many people have heard or been through this....Raise the hands now...YOU IN THE WAY BACK I KNOW YOU HAVE...get those hands up!!!   Ok We now know WHAT NOT to listen too.   You can put your hands down now....Oh no wait!!  RAISE YOUR HANDS 1,2,3,4,5 LOWER 1,2,3,4,5, RAISE YOUR ARMS 1,2,3,4,5 LOWER 1,2,3,4,5  Ok do that for another 8 times and then you can stop. 

So Time to get out our "checklist" in life and get our "gear and backpack" packed for this journey 

1. get your "map" and "compass"---Know where you are going and which directions you need to go.  The "trails" may be easy at the beginning but remember the farther the climb we go it will get steeper and harder. The "compass" is there to help us guide us back on the right trail Very important

2.Gather your "rope(lifeline)"--- Remember we will be climbin straight up!! Don't forget your "lifeline" make sure it is sturdy and you have alot of it around....You will sometimes to to rely on that lifeline to get you through some rough,steep and hard spots...Could be dangerous if you don't watch that step first.

3."supplies"---Before we take a trip we know what to pack what we will be needing while we are where we are going.   So what do you think we need on this "journey or climb" make another list
make it good...remember no skimping...if you think you need it then take it.

4. Tell Someone---Even if you are planning on doing this "journey" You need to tell someone where you are going, how you are going....Don't forget to ask them  for support along the way...happy thoughts, prayers...if anything Ask if they want to go with you or at least be a support system when you need it.  One rule for this...ONLY HAPPY POSITIVE THOUGHT & WORDS  No negativity can't do that....That is the HUGE "boulders","rock slides","flooding or washouts" that block our "trail" and will make it harder on this journey.  Lets keep it positive

These are a few things I have  thought of and you can certainly add more to this and I encourage you to add more to the items in the "Supply" list. Make sure if you can share what you have to help out others you may met along the way.  We are in a "Trek" "Journey" of a life time.  You ready.

Any other Questions??  YES YOU IN THE FAR BACK CORNER......YES YOU CAN USE THE RESTROOM NOW!

"One Step, One path, One Road, One Trail, One Valley, One Mountain to Climb to Get to the PEAK of You!"

      

Day 3---Yeah Day 2 Went on a VACATION FACED A BULLY X2

Yep I went up 1foot....I stood up for myself!!  I finally squarely stood up to all those who are cutting me down.  One person actually had the same idea as my dad they thought if they belittle me then that would MAKE ME want to change....told her the complete opposite.  Her being a BULLY in the whole sense.  She took great offense to being called a BULLY but that is what she was and still is.  She didn't come out and actually say "I am sorry!" but that is why she is still a BULLY.  We sat and talked for about 30 minutes today.  Cleared the air about alot of things, but she still doesn't realize her words are FIERCE!!!

Facing a bully today gave me the strength to keep head up.  I talked with my MINI-ME today, miss her beyond words, She is doing her own "mini Biggest loser" things....She weighed in and went through that whole You started out at...... and you are now at.....(Allison watch it...She is coming after ya!!)  She is at my mom's for now...She went there weighing 145lbs.....she has lost 10lbs in one month....WOOOHOOOO!!!  She was telling me she told her cousin Ashley to stop calling her names about her weight....That hurt her feelings, they talked about name calling and feelings too so PROUD of her.

Being kind and nice to people is what we need.  I am hopefully raising my children to treat people equally and without judgment, not completely but hope enough that they wouldn't want to be judged either by others.  Everyone needs to think about what they are saying to others, but in fits of anger or frustration, we do.....LOVE THY NEIGHBOR AS THYSELF!!  That keeps sticking in my mind. 

Tonight is short....I am jello-legged and mushy mind....will continue more tomorrow.

"One Step, One path, One Road, One Trail, One Valley, One Mountain to Climb to Get to the PEAK of You!"

Day One Starting @ 7956ft above sea level

Today starts a day that I am eagerly grasping and scared out of my mind for.  I know I am not on this struggle or journey by myself. I have the AWESOME support from not my family in blood, but my family in Technology.  My Twitter/Facebook/Blogging family.

Many may ask why I have 7956ft above sea level....that is where I am at in my life  Buena Vista, CO.  I have started alot of things here including the start of really struggling with my weight.  We (being my mom, stepdad #1, my 2 brothers) moved back to the place where my grandparents lived and mom grew up.  That was 1982...7th grade...I was crushed leaving all my Friends but I had family here.  I wasn't considered "fat" by any means looking back at hte pictures, but anyone knows the 80's especially the early 80's YEAH...I would be considered fat.  Boy did I know that when I walked in for the first day of 7th grade...yes was teased and tortured from day one, so that is where the start of retreating into myself.  I played a great act even to this day at times.  No one deserved to be teased and told they wouldn't amount to anything NO MATTER what they look like.  It is rough when you are 12/13yr old and just moved into a new town, not really knowing anyone.  The best thing was my Uncle, most popular guy in the middle school, was in 8th grade and talked to me more then once with alot of people especially the girls around....Helped a bit but he kept me and keeps me going still.  He is more a big brother.

Fast Forward 29 yrs.  The same group of people who would tease me and torture me about my weight even when I was 190lbs senior year in high school...1988, have been another source of encouragement....can you believe that??  When I announced I was doing the Casting Call for Biggest Loser Season 12 on my Facebook I cringed I seriously cringed. The support I got from my old classmates was very encouraging.....guess they did care....LOL

I have needed to get alot out in the open to really start this journey.  Not everything I can share right now, need to work up the strength....hahaha 

This journey doesn't only include me....my 2 beautiful children whom I would do anything for and I mean anything!!

My Princess  My Mini-Me  Emily Renee

My favorite pic of my son Tyler Stephen, tuckered out baseball player/Iron Chef Wannabe... this pic is older but it's a "normal" pic

My mom made the comment the other day I needed a man in my life....Told her If I wanted 3 kids I would of had 3 kids....SORRY ALL MY GUY FRIENDS....LUV YA!!  I am fine just us 3.  I can't make it without them and their smiles and hugs and yes their yelling, screaming, hitting, fighting, throwing too....They are the reason I live and breathe.....Now I just want to live and breathe better.

GOAL is in 2 yrs I will be climbing a 14er with my Sister, brother-in-law, brother & sister-in-law...oh yeah plus kids....I can't now but I will then.

"One Step, One path, One Road, One Trail, One Valley, One Mountain to Climb to Get to the PEAK of You!"