Thursday, August 1, 2013

HAPPY BIRTHDAY COLORADO and 1st day of Live Well Colorado Get Movin CO

HAPPY 137th BIRTHDAY COLORADO!  You don't look a day over 100!  

What a state we live in, Yes over we the past 137 yrs our state has had its growing pains and some great achievements and some horrible things happen to us, Most recently Columbine Shootings in 1999, Aurora Movie Theater Shooting in 2012 all the Fires our state has endured the past few summers and the lives that were lost or effected by it all.   We, Coloradoans even me a Semi-native, have lived through so much.  Just imagine if all those people from the past  were alive to see all that has gone on....What stories we could hear.   I love this state.  I am a semi-native.   I was born in California but was basically raised in Colorado...this is home.  My family lives here and my children were born and raised...still raising here.   I wouldn't be any other place right now.

Today is also Live Well Colorado's start of Colorado's Get Movin Challenge for the Month of August.   This is a great daughter and I have signed up and we are Movin in our area, Buena Vista and the county is high with the obesity rate, but I know we can get this area so healthy.   I am so committed to getting healthy and fit, I start that and my weight will start to come off.   I am not wanting to race to get this weight off, I want to do it the most healthy and fit way to do it.   I am hoping I can be an inspiration for others to choose best way to live.  I know I have alot to over come on my journey and it will be a steady go at it.   To the days, weeks and months to come I will be facing alot fears, demons, joys, milestones  and just know what I mean.    I am ready to face this journey and  will do whatever I need to do to over come and CONQUER!!

A friend of mine had a great pic on Facebook today, it is a New motto I am going to have to live by,

For those who don't know or to tired to figure it out....Courage over Fear!
I have heard so many of my weight loss buddies say that is the have to have the courage to face everything that will come your way  good, bad and the ugly.   Today brought alot to reflect on, I think of all those who came to settle here in this Great State either by choice or by circumstance, they had to gather all the Courage they had to overcome the fears they faced everyday.   SO I am gathering from that strength of those before me and getting ready to face the Fear  that tries to stop me everyday.   I think with all the support we as a family will have from strangers and friends this month and the months to come I know we will be successful. 
My biggest fear Right now is to face the fact that I am 394lbs. Ok I faced the Fear of telling it is out there for everyone in the world to read and see.   I would love to be down, about the weight I was when I graduated from High School that was 25 yrs ago.  Not hard to do, Just one step and pound at a time.  Honestly I feel better letting that out.  That took the courage to face that fear.  
I know the title wasn't really what  this blog ended up being about, you  know most of the blogs are just a "wing it" blogs.   I like these better sometimes.   I will get better with the topics as I go so Please be patient with me.  
So to all those in COLORADO right now, the Coloradoans that are in other states, to those Semi Natives  like me, do me a Favor....Sing Happy Birthday to CO and GET MOVIN'!
Face your Fears and Keep that Courage going on any journey you are doing right now.
" Take that One Step, One path, One Road, One Trail, One Valley, One Mountain to Climb to Get to the PEAK of You!"

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Count Down Begins!

So the count down begins...In 1 day I am commited completly start changing, improving, caring, understanding, and LIVING my new life.  Many people know I am hving a hard time with my weight and trying to loose.  I have been reaching out to my friends to help me.  I have been reading people I have been following and are "friends" with on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram for years. I still follow many of them and they are giving me the COURAGE to rally stay and stick with this journey this time.

I have signed up with the LIVE WELL COLORADO for their August Challenge.  I love the state I live in, there is always something to do, but there is still 21% of the states population that are obese.  In my county alone  we have a high obesity rate. In Chaffee County nearly 33 percent of adults are overweight and over 22 percent are obese.  Alot has to deal with proverty level, the lcost of eating healthy, and I honestly think people getting in a rutt like me.   I am a single mom as most of everyone knows and I have a hard time making ends met, let alone eat healthy....well that will change soon.   I am really ready for this...I want to knock off some of those things on my Bucket List and keep adding more.   I am Committing to stay the healthy side and start to loose this weight.  I have to start in workouts...walking is about all I can do, but I am ready to do more.

Accoutability is the key.   I know what I need to do.  I know who I need to be accountable to and that would be me, myself and I.  

I am working on things slowly right now...the reason I have hurt my back and I am trying to becareful but on August 1st is the Challenge for Live Well Colorado and I am cutting out soda.  I am making the choice to change.

I am committing to get healthy and fit....doing that I will lose the weight.


"One Step, One path, One Road, One Trail, One Valley, One Mountain to Climb to Get to the PEAK of You!"

Saturday, July 20, 2013

What's on your Bucket list?....Just starting my list

So everyone around me has been talking about bucket lists and goals...of course everyone's ideas are different. I have started my list...Finally my kids tell me

Jenn's Ultimate List(Not in the order listed)
1.Live a long healthy life
2. Find my own soulmate (when it happens)
3.Climb a 14er by 45yo
4.Climb Mt. Princeton before 50yo
5. Help my family get healthy
6. Ride a bike again
7. Get to a health weight...not just thinner it healthy
8. Influence/Inspire/Assit others to get healthy
9. Met an inspiring person/persons
10. Be able to provide the kids an amazing life
11. Go Whitewater Rafting
12. Get into a Kayak
13. Get mind,in body,in faith
14. Fly in Airplane Again
15. Go back to England
16. Take a cooking class with an amazing Chef.
17. Win The Lottery....I know got to play to win...HAHAHA
18. Go to An Amazing concert....oh so many
19. Keep up on my blog....haha
20. Find out something Amazing about myself all on my own....I know cheesy but it's true.
21. Learn to sing
22. Learn my clarinet again
23. Learn to Dance many dances and have the best time in my life.
24. Paddle board in the pacific ocean
25. Paddle board in the Alantic ocean
26. Run A Marathon....
27. Ride a 100 miles on a bike
28. Get a new bike
29. Wear a sexy pair of high heels
30. Find a sexy dress for those heels
31. Start to feel pretty,girly and sexy
32. Throw an amazing dinner party for friends and family
33. Go to Comic Con in San Diego at least once
34. Visit the places my ancestors lived all over the US....and overseas
35. Have an amazing Girl's Trip with all the girls in my family....wonder where we should go
36. Ultimate Family Vacations
37. Learn to do some Amazing Photography..don't have an artistic bone in my body
38. Learn to make sushi...Yummmmmmmmm
39. Enjoy a quiet time once a year just for me no children allowed
40. Walk the best 5K, 10K  ever
41. Start running when I can
42. Run the best 5K,10K ever
43. Enjoy My Life at that moment
44. Go to Australia
45. Get over my fear of heights...Jump off something very high....some where very beautiful
46.  Keep Expanding My Bucket List!

So this is the start of my list somethings may be confusing to you,but they are in my heart. I have wasted so much time in my life not doing anything. I am so ready to live in the moment and not in the past.

Slowly but surely I will cross off on my list and enjoy the life.  I will have the best time of my life

Who is with me?

Friday, March 1, 2013

Facing Fears..Stepping out of Comfort Zone

I know this is been the first post in many many months. After talking to a couple of amazing women about conquering fears and just getting myself out there....I have really made a commitment to get out there. Not only putting myself out there in this blog but also to get out there and start something for myself and others in this community.

 Fear of...
1. Letting myself be "seen"
2. Opening up to others and really letting them in
3. Thinking others really don't like me
4. Allowing myself to be vulnerable when I need to be
5. Showing that I am weak
6. Not being really accepted by friends and family
7. Allowing myself to be loved by someone who does love me truly
8. Not being the parent I need to be to my children
9. Not being the child/sibling to my family that I should be

These are the top fears I have some people think I am silly about some of these....But I am very serious. This is the first step in getting out of my comfort zone and facing the fears. I will try to go back to writing everyday or a couple of times a week....I will allow myself to be out there and accept any comments Good and Bad because they only are there to help me.


"One Step, One path, One Road, One Trail, One Valley, One Mountain to Climb to Get to the PEAK of You!"

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Bully is still a Bully No matter what the Age

It has come to my attention of a Bully in the community here....Amazing but this isn't any normal Bully. This isn't a child Bully that is after other children, this is an ADULT Bully. This type of Bully is not targeting any one person. This Bully is "attacking" other Adults and in an organization that helps inspire people with their craft and involves the commuinty people of all ages and skills.

I know who this person is and has said a few things I wish I could have said somethings to this person when they told my on child in no un certain terms they are as tone deaf as a bullfrog. Well this time this person is bullying people and thinks they are more superior then others. Granted this person is very talented don't get me wrong but when siding with someone younger and condoning the actions of the younger person over Adults who have been doing something as many years as teh younger person has been alive.

Ok I am over this rant I am sorry I will talk more about Bullying at a later date.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Asking for Help is not a sign of Weakness....It's a sign of Help!

I am the type of person who HATES to ask for help. I am the one who will help so much....I can't say NO....well I need to say NO and start to do things for myself...Now I am needing help. I am in a spot where it's not only me who is being effected it is my children also.

We were told back 3 weeks ago that they were going to shut the park I live in because of the spetic and leach field issues. I have being trying to clean up and pack the house and work and deal with the kid's schedules BESIDES looking for a new place to live. Well this past weekend was the straw that broke the camel's back you can say. My friend and I, with our kids were going to move in together. We found an amazing house that was going to be enough room for everyone we were just waiting on getting the money for hte rent and deposit togehter...$2100 which we were told by the landlords they just wanted the $1050 and would work with us on the deposit. Well we finally had the money less then a week later and got it mailed off to them... One point I didnt' make is that this house was up for sale also. We understood that too. That is why we only had a 6 month lease to sign. They landlords lived out of state and were getting the papers drawn up That was on a Friday....On Monday...we recieved the phone call the House had SOLD......SOLD....SOLD...the floor just fell out from under me. This was #5 in 3 weeks where we were expecting to sign paperwork that was taken away. If it was just me I wouldn't worry so much but it is also include my kids. WHY would they knowingly show and say they would rent the house if under contract. I am so upset....we never really recieved a complete explanation.

SO here we are on teh weekend I was to move and I have no place to go. My house isn't fully packed up....right now I really could careless of something in the house...I just want out. I know I can't leave it a mess but when you don't have the notice of actually when you are to move it hurts....Nothing legal at least. I have $60 til payday on teh 6th. I don't have a way to help myself. I am trying not to be down on myself. I am trying ot figure out what to do. I HATE March...a year ago I lost my job of 9 yrs with out being told much. I am trying my hardest right now to be strong for my kids but not working.

I have to swallow my pride and ask for help. I need to go for my kids. I am the reason this has gotten so bad for us. I didn't plan correctly. I need to figure out what I need now. I have asked my church for help. What ever they can do for me. I am willing payback anything I do recieve. I have being tryig to stay strong in my faith. I know God will help to provide right now. The feeling of disappointment in myself, I have let my family down. I have ruined things for them. I feel a failure. I know I am not a failure but I feel it.

Everywhere I turn I find that there are people who do truly care and love my family. They are praying and trying to find places that I can just be in for now. I found out my church sent out a prayer email for me and help if anyone knows of anything. Trying to keep my faith and my strength right now is hard. I am doing ok. I just need have that blind faith and know things will come about. Being told we should just move from Buena Vista, my friends, the kid's friends, my job, the schools...isn't really an option either. I have no money to do it, no money to even really move but I am working on things and a budget. I know I need to be more careful on things. Wanting to make sure your family is protected and we dont' loose each otehr. Wanting to have the kids feel safe is #1 on my list right now. Having them feel safe and not scared to go home because of others around us, I don't want anymore. I am want so muchfor everything to be ok for my kids....They are the reason I breathe they are the reason I get up in the morning. They are the reason for my being.

I loose my kids I will loose myself. I need the help. I need not only the help for my family but i need the help for myself. I need to know why I am this way.

This blog is a way for me to help myself work through things, not only just to express my feelings but to make myself aware of what I am doing and how I am handling NOT GOOD, but I know whaty I need to do.

I am asking for Help from all my frineds out there for Prayers. Prayers I will find a house soon, Prayers I will not loose the kids over everything. Prayers I will keep going on every day!

Sunday, March 4, 2012

One Year Ago.......One Year Later

I was sitting in a hotel room with my 2 children getting ready to do something that could change my life forever. I was in Denver for the Biggest Loser Open Casting Call for Season 12. I was thrilled I had received a VIP Pass for the casting call....but the more I thought about it I should have gone through with my original plan....gone early and waited with everyone else.

I have the support of many people I never have met in person but who were going through the same thing I was....struggling with Obesity and weight loss. I was ready to do anything....I AM MEAN ANYTHING but what seemed I needed to do I hadn't done it yet. I loved the casting call had met some amazing people while there. Still talk to a couple of them. We support each other still to this day. I was on such a ahigh from that weekend....granted I didnt get the call back but that is ok....I knew that wasn't going to happen. I got home and the kids went to school....I went to work....I wasn't on the schedule for the whole month. Found out I had been fired not because I didn't have my shifts covered but because I was needing to do soemthing else. Well many people know the struggle I had for the next 5 months. I was out of work and all I had to pay bills for June and July was my son's income from his 30hr a week job. He gave up so much for a 15 yr. I have wanted to make that up to him. I wanted to make sure he has a mother he could be proud of. I didn't try for Season 13 wasn't into it. I still needed to do somethings I wasn't sure about.Then end of July 2011 came I had to make choice....I had a job interview did I really want to stay or move and make a new life someplace elses. When the week of a job interview happened....I knew what I also had to do is FACE THE DEMONS of my life. I started to journal. I know the blogging would be helpful but not all things I wanted out there still. i might share more as time goes. Alot is painful.

My demons I had to face is that I was called fat, ugly, stupid, annoying, worthless and that I was never wanted why was I still around. I know those things were said to me almost everyday for 14 yrs. Even now 24yrs later I still here it but this time the words aren't in my face being screamed at me they are in my head and my heart everytime I look into the mirror. I try to keep a positive attitude I need too....I have my children I don't want to go through what I went through in High School. My beautiful daughter, Emmie, is going through those ugly words since 2nd Grade so for the last 5yrs she has had to face it. We all know how Jr High can be to a young perons self esteem. I have tried to tell her how wonderful she is and beautiful she is. Her heart and how she is towards others is what makes her so special. I love her for who she is and who she is becoming.

Today, 4 March 2012, my daughter Emmie-Na (nickname) asked me
"MOM why don't you believe in yourself! Why don't you believe in the same things you tell me. I learn to give my heart to others like you....but you don't think you are worth anything like I feel....LOVE YOURSELF!!"

She knew what my story I was telling at the casting call that day and she told me to make them love me too....I didn't do that. My children mean the world to me. I am their only parent. I need to be here but in order for me to be here longer and make a change in their lives I need to be here for me and change my life.

One Year Ago.....I woke up to the potential I could be....On Year Later I am still dealing with those things that keep me at the weight I am. I have a great way to still myself everything is ok. NO THIS IS NOT OK!! I am 42yrs old. I am around 400lbs!! My Tyler, graduates High School in 2015 and My Emmie, graduates in 2018. I need to change. I need to face th UGly Demons and Change. I need to stop those excuses....I have to stop those excuses.

SO in Celebration of trying to change my life One Year Ago.....I am buckling down and doing that.....NO MORE EXCUSES!! NO MORE PITY PARTY!! NO MORE HIDING BEHIND WHAT HAPPENED 15, 22, and 38 yrs ago....I am in control of My New Life.

ONE YEAR AGO....I talked a good Talk
ONE YEAR LATER....I am WALKING THAT TALK and going through with everything I Plan forward. I got off track but I have a goal in mind I WILL see....Live My Life to The Fullest!!!