I am the type of person who HATES to ask for help. I am the one who will help so much....I can't say NO....well I need to say NO and start to do things for myself...Now I am needing help. I am in a spot where it's not only me who is being effected it is my children also.
We were told back 3 weeks ago that they were going to shut the park I live in because of the spetic and leach field issues. I have being trying to clean up and pack the house and work and deal with the kid's schedules BESIDES looking for a new place to live. Well this past weekend was the straw that broke the camel's back you can say. My friend and I, with our kids were going to move in together. We found an amazing house that was going to be enough room for everyone we were just waiting on getting the money for hte rent and deposit togehter...$2100 which we were told by the landlords they just wanted the $1050 and would work with us on the deposit. Well we finally had the money less then a week later and got it mailed off to them... One point I didnt' make is that this house was up for sale also. We understood that too. That is why we only had a 6 month lease to sign. They landlords lived out of state and were getting the papers drawn up That was on a Friday....On Monday...we recieved the phone call the House had SOLD......SOLD....SOLD...the floor just fell out from under me. This was #5 in 3 weeks where we were expecting to sign paperwork that was taken away. If it was just me I wouldn't worry so much but it is also include my kids. WHY would they knowingly show and say they would rent the house if under contract. I am so upset....we never really recieved a complete explanation.
SO here we are on teh weekend I was to move and I have no place to go. My house isn't fully packed up....right now I really could careless of something in the house...I just want out. I know I can't leave it a mess but when you don't have the notice of actually when you are to move it hurts....Nothing legal at least. I have $60 til payday on teh 6th. I don't have a way to help myself. I am trying not to be down on myself. I am trying ot figure out what to do. I HATE March...a year ago I lost my job of 9 yrs with out being told much. I am trying my hardest right now to be strong for my kids but not working.
I have to swallow my pride and ask for help. I need to go for my kids. I am the reason this has gotten so bad for us. I didn't plan correctly. I need to figure out what I need now. I have asked my church for help. What ever they can do for me. I am willing payback anything I do recieve. I have being tryig to stay strong in my faith. I know God will help to provide right now. The feeling of disappointment in myself, I have let my family down. I have ruined things for them. I feel a failure. I know I am not a failure but I feel it.
Everywhere I turn I find that there are people who do truly care and love my family. They are praying and trying to find places that I can just be in for now. I found out my church sent out a prayer email for me and help if anyone knows of anything. Trying to keep my faith and my strength right now is hard. I am doing ok. I just need have that blind faith and know things will come about. Being told we should just move from Buena Vista, my friends, the kid's friends, my job, the schools...isn't really an option either. I have no money to do it, no money to even really move but I am working on things and a budget. I know I need to be more careful on things. Wanting to make sure your family is protected and we dont' loose each otehr. Wanting to have the kids feel safe is #1 on my list right now. Having them feel safe and not scared to go home because of others around us, I don't want anymore. I am want so muchfor everything to be ok for my kids....They are the reason I breathe they are the reason I get up in the morning. They are the reason for my being.
I loose my kids I will loose myself. I need the help. I need not only the help for my family but i need the help for myself. I need to know why I am this way.
This blog is a way for me to help myself work through things, not only just to express my feelings but to make myself aware of what I am doing and how I am handling things....today NOT GOOD, but I know whaty I need to do.
I am asking for Help from all my frineds out there for Prayers. Prayers I will find a house soon, Prayers I will not loose the kids over everything. Prayers I will keep going on every day!
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